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Part 14

"Oh, my God, Angel…"  Willow stood at the gate, stunned,  "It's a castle…"

"A little castle…"

"A castle!  We're going to be living in a castle?"  she stared at the massive structure, disbelief written all over her face,  "Where did you find this?"

Angel chuckled, enjoyed his new companion's awe,  "Will, the castle has been here for four hundred years…  I didn't just find it."

"But how…?   When…?"

"I've owned this place for a long time.  I like to pretend that it's my family estate.  The fact is, I acquired it during my… Angelus years, through less than noble methods…  but I love this place."

Angel led Willow back into the car that had been waiting for them at the hotel that they spent the day in.  They had driven most of the night before arriving at this massive estate in the Welsh countryside.  They drove through the gates, and up the long drive to the front of the house.

As Angel ushered her through the enormous front doors, Willow's eyes grew wide, taking in the foyer of this grand house that she would be calling home.

"I feel like some sort of a princess, Angel.  I don't deserve to live in a place like this…"

Angel dropped their bags on the elaborate marble floor before taking Willow's hands in his own.

"Will, you deserve all of this and much, much more.  I only wish that you… and I… could see how beautiful this place is in the daytime.  You can't tell from the outside, but all of the windows are sealed.  No sunlight can enter the house… But, at night, Willow…  wait til you see the gardens out back… unless my gardener's have been slacking, they are filled with all sorts of night-blooming flowers, and beautiful trees and fountains… it's my favorite part of the estate."

Willow immediately grew excited.  She loved the outdoors, and was thrilled that she would have a massive garden for her own.  It would give her a fabulous way to fill her nights while she grew used to being a vampire.

"Oh, Angel, can we see it now…?  Please?"

"I wish we could, Will… but it's almost sunrise.  We can spend the whole night exploring it tonight, but we really need to get some rest… you need to get some rest.  C'mon, I'll show you your room…"

He took her by the hand and led her up the huge staircase and down the long hallway, pausing before a set of double doors.  In a grand gesture, he threw the doors open, revealing to Willow the most incredible room she had ever seen in her life.

The first thing that struck her was the brightness.  It was obvious that Angel had decorated the interior of the entire castle to feel as light and airy as possible.  The walls were a delicate shade of white.  The floor was, once
again, marble, with light colored oriental rugs strewn about.  The curtains covering the sealed windows were perfectly matched to the walls.  Dozens of colorful flowers were set upon almost every open surface in the room, and the walls were decorated with beautiful portraits of outdoor landscapes.  The room was huge, with it's own sitting room, and bathroom leading off to the side.  The focal point of the room, the centerpiece, was the bed.  It was in the very center, against the back wall.  King-sized, Willow knew that she would need the footstool beside it to be able to climb into it every night.  The white, feather-filled comforter that covered it seemed to Willow like a huge white cloud, inviting her to sink down inside.

"Like it?"  Angel whispered into her ear.

"Oh, Angel, this is the most beautiful room I've ever seen…  it's… it's perfect,"  she sniffled.

Blood red tears began threatening to dribble from the corners of her eyes.

"Hey, I didn't mean to make you cry…"

"I'm not crying…  I'm just happy.  I love this room, Angel…  I love this house."

"Wait til you see the rest of it tonight… the rest of the house is just as beautiful, along with the gardens, and the fountains, and the pool, and the stables…"

"Pool?  Stables?  We… you, I mean… You  have horses?"

Angel chuckled again.  Hearing Willow's excitement and seeing her smile lightened his heavy heart by several pounds.

"We have horses, Will…  what's mine is yours…  But right now, you need to get some sleep!  My room is right across the hall, if you need anything…"

For an instant, Willow's smile left her face,  "It's going to seem odd, not sleeping in the same bed as you all of the sudden…"

"I'll be right across the hall, Will… you'll be fine."

"I just… it's just…  I liked having you next to me,"  she stuttered, immediately regretting her words.

< You're probably glad not to have to share a bed with me anymore… >  she thought at him, unconsciously.

"Willow!  How can you think that?"  he pulled her into his arms,  "The next time we share a bed, I want us to be sharing our love, completely,"  he kissed her gently,  "For now, I want you to get some sleep so you'll be well rested tonight when we explore the grounds…"

He released her from his tight hug and left the room, closing the doors behind him.

Willow went into the bathroom to change clothes.  Once again, Angel had everything stocked for her.  Perfumes, shampoos, conditioners, lotions, and scented oils, and more flowers.  The colossal bathtub in the middle of the
floor beckoned her, and she began filling the tub.  She poured some of the scented oil into the water, and, while waiting for the tub to completely fill, she explored her room a little further.  Opening her closets, she found them
full of the most beautiful clothes that Willow had ever seen.  If she were worried about constantly trying to fill Buffy's shoes, the thoughts now abandoned her.  The clothing was pure Willow.  Somehow, Angel had managed to convey exactly who she was to whomever it was that picked out the clothing.  Angel knew exactly who Willow was, and he loved her for it.

Willow removed her clothing and slid into the tub, languidly reveling in the pleasure.

< Angel? >

< Yes, dear… >  Willow could hear the mocking, sweet tone of his voice in he head.

< Nothing… just wanted to make sure you could still hear me… >

< Loud and clear… why aren't you sleeping? >

< I…I'm taking a bath… this tub is incredible. >

< You're naked?>  he teased her.

Willow giggled, feeling naughty < Does that excite you? >

< More than you know…  I'm tuning you out now, and I'm going to try to get some sleep … not that that's going to be possible with the thought of you all naked and wet… >

< ANGEL! >

< Hey, you started it…  sleep tight, Will…  I can't wait to see you tonight…>

Angel rolled over onto his back, releasing the erection that was steadily growing during his brief conversation with Willow.  He struggled not to lower his hand to release the tension.  Somehow, he thought, that would be like
being unfaithful to Willow.

<  Mind over matter, mind over matter, mind over matter… >  he silently repeated the mantra to himself until he finally began to soften.

Rolling back over onto his stomach, he violently fluffed the pillow underneath his head, and let his thoughts drift back to Willow.

< My Willow… Where did she come from, and how come I never noticed her before? She's exquisite… that hair… those big, expressive eyes!  And she has nothing to hide… she's so open and honest.  When she smiles-that smile that lights the whole room-she's smiling because she's genuinely happy.  And when she frowns, and she gets that adorable little pout, and the bridge of her nose gets all crinkly, there's not a damn thing that I wouldn't do for her to return that smile to her face.  Am I falling in love with her?  Am I already in love with her?  I AM!  Oh, my… Willow… >

Again, Angel felt his erection growing.  Frustrated, he rolled over on his back again.

< It's going to be a long damn day… >

Part 15

That evening, Angel woke up and got dressed…  He went into the kitchen and prepared a glass of blood for himself and for Willow.  Draining his, he placed the glass in the sink and carried Willow's upstairs to her bedroom.

Quietly, he opened the doors and slipped inside.

Willow was still asleep, snuggled in the giant bed, the huge comforter pulled tightly around her neck.

Angel tiptoed to the bed and sat the glass on the bedside table.  He grabbed a yellow rose from the vase on the table, and delicately began tickling her nose with the flower.

One of her small hands snaked from underneath the covers and brushed the flower away.

Silently giggling, Angel tickled her nose again.  Again she brushed it away.

<  This isn't working >  he thought to himself.

He sat beside her on the bed, and leaned over her sleeping body.  Tenderly, he licked her earlobe.  Willow squirmed under the covers, but didn't try to brush him away.

"Willow…"  he murmured, lightly kissing her jawbone.

Unconsciously, she turned her face more towards his.

He planted a series of soft, wet kisses on her throat.

"Oh!  Angel…"  she was now awake.

"You are a very sound sleeper, cicaro…"

"Cicaro?  What's that mean?"  she asked, reaching up to run her fingers through his dark hair.

"Darling, in Latin…"  he leaned into her caresses, as she yawned,  "You want to go back to sleep, lazybones…?"  He asked gently.

She shook her head no, and pulled his face towards hers.  Placing her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer to him, she captured his mouth with hers.

"Angel…"  she moaned against his mouth.

He slid his arms around her waist, holding her body tightly against his.

Their kiss grew more passionate, more fiery.

"Willow, I want you… God, you know I want you… but we're not ready yet…"

Willow pushed him away, and shook herself, trying to shake the erotic thoughts from her head.

"Grrr…"  she said.

"Willow, I'm sorry… please don't be mad…"

Willow laughed, and pulled herself out of the bed,  "I'm not mad, Angel… we're not ready."

"Then why the 'grrr'?"  he asked, watching her walk towards the bathroom.

She returned to the bedroom, carrying her hairbrush.  She sat on the bed facing Angel.  He took the brush from her hands, and directed Willow to turn her back to him.  She did, and fell back against him as he started to brush
her long, red hair.  He was gentle, and loving, being careful not to pull. His touch with the brush was a caress.

"So?"  he asked again,  "Why the 'grrr'?"

Willow laughed,  "Remember a long time again when I asked you how you change faces?  And I referred to it as the way you go 'grrr'?"


"And, now, when you and I make love, the most special thing that two people can do together, we're both going to be going 'grrr'…"

Angel threw his head back and laughed, a full, deep guttural, natural laugh that Willow loved to hear.  There was nothing fake or forced about the way Angel acted with her.  As he continued to brush her hair, she allowed herself to lose herself in thought.

< Mmm… damn that feels good.  Damn I want you… Oh, this is so much more than just sexual… I don't even know what sexual is… This, though…  this, I'm pretty sure is sexual, though…  God, Angel, I might not quite be strong enough to take you, but if this keeps up, I'm going to try like hell… >

"Oh, God, you heard every word of that, didn't you?"

"Yep,"  he sighed against her neck, "Every single word…"

"God, I'm so embarrassed…"

"Shhh…" he sighed, pressing his lips against her hair,  "You never, ever have to be embarrassed about anything in front of me…"

"Yeah, but, you're so in control… and I'm still just a typical teenage girl, full of raging hormones that I can't control…"

Angel chuckled, remembering how he spent the last 10 hours.

"Is that what you think?"  he asked her,  "That I'm in control?  Will, I tossed and turned all day in bed, trying to not think about you, and how much you turn me on, for ten minutes so that I could get some sleep.  You're making
me crazy… being this close to you drives me mad."

He dropped the brush and put his arms around her shoulders, pulling her tightly against his body,  "Do you feel that?  Do you feel how much I want you right now…?  And you think I'm the one that's in control here?"

Willow could feel Angel's hardness pressing into her lower back.  It terrified her, and excited her all at once.

"You make the call, Willow…  this is up to you,"  Angel thrust his hips forward, pressing himself further against her back, growling into her ear,  "I want you, more than anything.  If you want me, and you think we're ready for
this, I'm yours."

He removed his arms from around her shoulders, and slid them around her waist. Pressing back against him with all her might, she felt him begin nuzzling her neck.  One of his hands began moving lower, against her stomach.  Suddenly, he grasped her core, pressing against her wet panties, gently fingering her through the cloth.

"OH!"  Willow gasped, jumping out of her skin.

It seemed as though every nerve in her body was raw.  No man had ever touched her there before, or even come close.  She had done it to herself many times, dreaming of Angel, but this felt completely different, even though it was the man that she had always dreamed of.

"No, Angel… as much as I want you, I'm not ready for this…  I'm still expecting my first time to be all sweet and romantic…  I still need adjust to it being something different," she sighed.

Angel removed his hand from her heat, and enveloped her in a tight hug.

"Willow, I'm sorry…"

"No, Angel, I'm sorry… I want to be your lover… God, I want you to make love to me… it will be a dream come true when it happens, but I'm just… it's just…"

"Don't apologize to me for wanting your first time to be perfect… drink your breakfast and go get dressed…  I'll be waiting for you downstairs so we can explore the gardens…"

Angel pulled himself away from Willow and gave her a quick kiss before leaving the bedroom.

< Damn it, Angel… >  he chastised himself,  < Just do if for her…>

For the most part, Angel had been truthful with Willow.  Vampire sex typically was violent and dangerous.  But, just as it had been with Buffy, it could also be tender and sweet.  Angel wanted her to know what life was going to be like as a vampire… she wasn't human anymore, and Angel needed her to know that, but he also wanted her to feel his love, and to feel comfortable with his love.  He knew that he could make love to Willow and do it the way she had always dreamed, and that it could be wonderful for her… and, as a result, wonderful for Angel.  But now that he had told her about the violence of vampire sex, he was afraid that she would know that he was holding back for her, and that she would feel insulted.

<  Damned if I do, damned if I don't… of course, I'm damned anyway, so I really have nothing to lose… except Willow… I could lose her, and I'd rather lose my life than lose her… >

Angel began to hatch a plan

Part 16

Half an hour later, Willow came bounding down the steps full of energy.   She had found a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt and a pair of low black boots that she loved.  Her beautiful red hair flowed around her shoulders, and her normally alabaster cheeks were slightly flushed from the blood she had just drunk.

Angel was sitting in the study, thinking of the plans he was making for the morning, after the sun began to rise.  He looked up, watching Willow enter the room.

"You look beautiful,"  he told her.

"It's just jeans and a T-shirt, Angel… don't lay it on so think,"  she grinned at him.

"I'm not talking about the clothing, Will… I'm talking about you."

< Angel, you make me happy that I'm a vampire >

His face took on a skeptical air.

"That's a weird thing to say…"

"Well, it's true… when you look at me that way… well, not the way you're looking at me right now, because right now you're looking at me like I've got cooties, but, well, when you look at me the way that you were looking at me
when I walked in the room, and when you touch me like you were touching me a little while ago, I'm glad I'm not human, and I'm glad that I'm not in Sunnydale and I'm glad that we're here, and we're alone, and that I get to…
spend a lot of time alone with you!"  she finished breathlessly.

Angel chuckled as he stood from his chair, watching Willow's flushed cheeks grow redder.

"I said more than I should have, huh?"

"No, Willow, you didn't."

He crossed the room to stand in front of her, sliding his arms around her waist, pulling her into a tight hug.

"You didn't say too much, because, God help me, I'm glad you're a vampire, too…"

The evening was magical.  Angel ushered her over every inch of the grounds, and Willow was amazed.  Only in her wildest dreams had she ever imagined an estate of such magnificent proportions.

From modern day luxuries such as the heated pool and lighted tennis courts...< Angel?  Playing tennis? > ...to the centuries old stables and meticulously maintained gardens, it was a home that Willow couldn't fully grasp belonged to her.

Being in his home brought Angel even further out of the shell that he had been in for hundreds of years.  Willow was truly his soulmate, in that they were similar creatures, and she was slowly bringing him out on her own.  Now that he was on his land, he opened up to her even further, with little prodding.

Stopping along the path to the stables, Angel pulled Willow to sit on a bench with him.

"I need to talk to you about something, Will."

"What's wrong?"  she asked, sitting beside him.

"Nothing's wrong… I just need to ask you a question."

"What is it?  You seem so serious all of the sudden…"

"I was going to surprise you when we got back to the house, but that doesn't feel right.  I need to ask your permission first…"

"Permission for what?"

"To make love to you."


"Will, you've told me yourself, your entire life you've dreamed of what your first time would be like, and I've shattered that dream for you…"

"You haven't shattered it, Angel… only changed the dream."

"No, Willow.  You have expectations… expectations that I would like to try and meet.  I love you… I know that we discussed this back on the boat, and I told you that I wasn't ready to be able to say those words and mean them in the sense that you want me to say them.  Now I can."


"Let me finish this, Will… Your presence in my life has been a blessing, a gift.  From the first moment that we met straight through til today.  You  never treated me as a monster.  Even Buffy could never quite forget that I was
her natural enemy.  I guess a lot of that had to do with her being the Slayer.  But you, Willow, you have always treated me as a human, which I'm not, and certainly never deserved."

Willow opened her mouth to speak, but he silenced her, placing a finger against her lips.

"I don't deserve it.  You know how it feels to have that demon inside you now. You understand what I mean when I say it is a part of me, don't you?"

When she didn't answer, he repeated the question,  "Don't you?  You know how it feels to feel that you have something so inherently evil trapped inside your body?"

"Yes,"  she whispered, tears forming in her eyes,  "I know… and I hate it. But, Angel, I'm not evil, and neither are you."

"You haven't done the things I've done, cicaro.  I've killed so many innocent people, and hurt so many others.  I know that I'm a changed man.  You've helped me see that.  But it doesn't change the fact that I did those things.
We all like to talk about Angelus as if he were a different person.  I guess it makes it easier for us to live with me...  I know it makes it a little easier to live inside my own skin.  But Angelus and I aren't different people.
Giving me a soul didn't take away my blood lust.  It only made me remember that killing is wrong.  Will, if you had to, and didn't have bags of blood available, eventually you'd have to kill for it.  Your hunger would become too
great.  Having a soul doesn't change what we are, it only makes us realize what we are."

Willow's head hung low, her shoulders slumped as the misery of their situation swept through her body.

"Willow?  Will?"  Angel pleaded,  "I didn't mean to make you upset… I guess I veered off the path a bit, didn't I?"

He took her chin in his hand, turning her face to look into his,  "I love you, Willow.  That's the point I was trying to make.  I love you… heart, body, mind, soul and demon.  Every bit of you, inside and out.  You are my beacon,
my one bright shining light in a world that is nothing but darkness.  Wherever you are is my home, whatever you want is what I want.  When you cry, I cry, and when you're happy, I'm happy.  It's a simple as that.  I want you in ways that I've never wanted anyone,"  his eyes searched hers,  "Do you believe me, Willow?  Do you believe that I love you?"

She nodded slightly, hesitantly.

"Then let me show you.  Let me give you want it is that you want.  Let me make your first time everything you've dreamed about your entire life."

"You told me that we couldn't do that…" she murmured quietly.

"We can… I can, for you.  I want this to be your dream come true.  It's true that it probably won't ever be like that again… we'll both be wanting more, and that will happen, too."

"I don't want you to hold back with me, Angel.  I don't… I don't want to feel as if you're not satisfied…"

"I… I wish I could explain this better to you.  It's incredibly confusing… I thought I'd have more time…"

"What?  What do you mean 'more time'?"

Angel chuckled over the worried look on her face,  "I mean, Will, that I never expected to fall so deeply in love with you so quickly."

He planted a soft kiss on the tip of her nose,  "I knew I was going to love you.  There was never any doubt in my mind… if I had looked deeper into myself, I probably would have been able to see it a long time ago.  If not
before I lost my soul, then definitely after.  Angelus was obsessed with you.  Once he… I… found out what you were doing alone in your bedroom so late at night, it became a fixation of mine to watch you.  It was so innocent and erotic, which is a tantalizing combination."


He chuckled again, watching her become increasingly flustered,  "It's true, Willow.  Which makes me wonder something now…"


"Do you really love me?"

"How can you even ask me that?"

"Maybe I need to know, too."

"You do know.  You saw it… me."

"I saw a young, innocent girl that was confused about her burgeoning sexuality.  The way you felt with Oz, and even Xander, to a certain extent, was never the way you felt about me, was it?"

"That's not fair, Angel."

"Yes, it is.  You didn't even know me until Spike changed you.  We had never had a full conversation, had we?  Just snippets here and there… so how could you think that you loved me?  You may have loved an idea of what I was, but you couldn't have been sure that was me or not… as a matter of fact, it probably wasn't.  Having sexual fantasies about someone and loving that person are two entirely different things."

Willow sat silently next to him, absorbing what he had said and what he was asking of her.

"You don't love me, do you, Willow?"  his voice was a combination of regret, shock and despair.

Willow shot up from the bench and took off running towards the stables.  Angel stayed behind, playing over their conversation in his mind.  He felt himself foolish and arrogant for never even exploring the possibility that Willow
wasn't truly in love with him.

She depended on him, needed him.  She probably could survive on her own without him, but it wouldn't be easy.  That was all it was… need.  Angel didn't certainly didn't think of himself as lovable.  He was sulky, and
depressed and constantly brooding.  Usually, his presence meant something bad was about to happen.   He was a good two centuries older than her, and acted much older than that.  Fun was something that he didn't allow himself, and even if he did, he wouldn't know how to set about having some.

Maybe he was good-looking… he really couldn't be sure.  He hadn't seen his reflection in over two hundred years.  He had always assumed he was handsome from the way women reacted to him.  But sexual attraction had never equaled love, and he knew that.  Of course, Willow didn't love him.

Willow was everything Angel wasn't when it came to matters of consequence. The fact that they were both souled vampires was only a common bond that they shared.  She was sunlight, even in the black of night.  She was openness and loveliness and optimism.  Willow always saw the bright side of every situation, even the most desperate, hopeless ones, and on more than one occasion it had been her sheer determination that had pulled her through.  Where Angel would likely have given up on himself, Willow would only become more resolved to pull herself out of a bad situation.

Of course, she didn't love him.  And Angel loathed himself for making her feel guilty because of it.  He had expected her to be understanding when he couldn't spout words of love to her with all the meaning behind them that he had now that he had truly fallen in love with her.  He would have to be understanding now for her.

With a  crestfallen sigh, he started towards the stables hoping to somehow put things right between himself and Willow.

He saw her standing with her back to him, gently allowing a huge black stallion to nuzzle against her red hair, a horse that Angel knew from experience was not one to nuzzle anybody.

"Leave it to you to be able to tame the savage beast."

Willow jumped at the sound of his voice, then spun around to face him, blood-red tears streaming down her face.

"Will, I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have…"

"You really think I don't love you?"

"It's too soon, Willow.  This all happened to quick for you.  I don't doubt that you need me, and that you care about me, but for me to have just assumed that you love me…"

"I do love you, Angel."

"Yeah, but not…"

"Yes, Angel, in the same way.  How dare you accuse me of not loving you?"

"But, Willow…"

"No buts, Angel.  You are my world… I love you in ways I never thought possible.  There is so much to you… You're intelligent beyond belief…everything you've seen over the past two hundred years just amazes me.  I want
to learn every detail of everything you've seen.  You've got this great black sense of humor, when you allow yourself.  You're heart is so big, with such a huge capacity for love.  You're compassion, your quiet dignity, Angel, everything.  I do love you.  And I can't believe that you could think for one minute that I don't."

Angel couldn't believe what he was hearing, and couldn't believe that he had doubted her.  He had allowed old insecurities from his life before Willow creep into his mind.  When he looked into her eyes, he saw the same reflection of Willow's soul that he had always seen, and that soul was full of her love for him.

"I was just trying to…"  he feebly tried to explain himself.

"Trying to give me an out?"  she asked,  "Angel, won't you just let yourself be happy for once?  You deserve that.  We deserve that.  Neither of us asked for the life we have now, but, you have to admit, it's not so bad."

"Not so bad?"  he chuckled at his confident Willow.

"We've been handed this sentence… we're going to live forever.  But, at least, we have each other.  I have you, and, Angel, you have me.  I'm yours."

Angel's fatalistic mind searched for an argument for her, but found none.

"Are you sure, Will?"

"As sure as I've ever been of anything in my life."

She stood, waiting.  The next move was Angel's, and he knew it.

"Willow, that horse hates everybody."

"What?"  she asked, bewildered.

"That horse… the one that was nuzzling you when I came it… he hates everybody. How did you get him to behave like that?"

"Am I the only one of us that sees the irony here?"  she giggled.


"I've tamed you."

"Tamed me, cicaro?"

"Don't tell me that in all your years, you never read The Little Prince?"

"Antoine de Saint-Exupery?"

"You have read it?"

"Many, many years ago, but I really don't remember much of it."

"You have to read it again, then… and maybe then you will understand that you are my rose."

"I'm a flower?"

"Read the story… you'll get it."

"We need to be heading back to the house.  The Sun will be rising soon."

Willow sighed,  "I love this place, Angel.  The house, the gardens, especially this stable.  Maybe tomorrow night we could go for a ride?"

"I think we can do that.  You're not planning on riding Wicked are you?"

"Wicked?  You named this poor horse Wicked?"

"Well… it seemed to fit him at the time…"

"He's not wicked, just misunderstood.  And, yes, I am going to ride him."

When Angel started to protest, she stopped him.

"Don't you dare… I've taken riding lessons for years.  He's mine now, just like you are."

Willow hooked her arm through his and he led her back to the house.

Part 17

"I'm going to get ready for bed, Angel."

The two were sitting in the huge study again, Willow snuggled into Angel's lap on a huge easy chair.

Pulling herself out of his arms, she was halfway up the stairs before he heard her.

< Aren't you going to come with me? >

< Willow? >

< It isn't polite to keep a lady waiting, you know… >

Angel was out of his chair and up the steps as Willow placed her hand on the doorknob to her bedroom.

"Are you sure, cicaro?"  he whispered in her ear, covering her hand with his.

"Don't make me wait any longer, Angel.  I want you.  Tonight.  Now."

Angel pushed open the door, and gently pushed her inside.  She turned to him, running her fingers through his dark hair.

"Make love to me, Angel.  As a human, as a vampire… it doesn't matter.  I can't last another day without giving myself to you completely."

Listening to her purr, her fingers softly tickling the hair on the back of his neck, Angel began to harden.

He kissed her, his lips bruising hers with intensity.  She never failed to surprise him, and now was no different as she forced her tongue inside his mouth.

It certainly wasn't the first time their tongues had met, but with this kiss Willow let Angel know exactly what she was expecting of him.

Urgency coursed through his veins, forcing his blood to rush rapidly to his growing erection.

Willow felt his hardness pressing against her stomach.  Suddenly she pulled away from him and ran to the bathroom, throwing the door shut behind her.

Angel fell back against the bedroom door, rubbing his hands nervously on the legs of his jeans.

< Willow?  Will… you ok? >

< I'm fine… just fine… >

< Then why'd you take off, cicaro? >


< Willow? >

< It's my first time, Angel.  I'm scared.  Nervous.  What if I don't do it right? >

< Impossible, Will.  Trust me? >

< I… um…I think I'll put my nightgown on, Angel.  Just give a minute.  Please?>

Angel gave her a minute.  Then two.  Three, four, then five minutes passed.

< Will, are you all right in there? >

No answer.

Angel charged towards the door and burst into the bathroom.

Willow was leaning against the counter, staring into a reflection that wasn't there.  Naked.

Angel skidded to a stop at the sight of her pale body, his undead heart beating unnecessarily.

"Angel!"  Willow gasped, trying desperately to hide cover herself with her arms.

"Wil- Oh, God, Willow…" Angel closed the distance between them, grabbing her wrists.

She dropped her head forward, trying to cover her face and breasts with her hair.

"What are you doing, cicaro?  Don't hide yourself from me… you are so beautiful,"  he brushed her hair back over her shoulder and out of her face.

"Look at me, Willow,"  he instructed,  "Not at the floor… me."

Slowly, she lifted her chin to look him in the eye.  He dipped his head, lowering his mouth to her neck.  She was embarrassed, he knew.  She didn't intend for him to get an eye-full and now he intended to distract her from her

Snaking his tongue out of his mouth, he suckled at her pulse points, knowing the pressure would excite her.  His hands traced slow, lazy lines up and down her arms, giving her goosebumps.  She began to relax against him.

< Ok, now, Will? >

< Just don't stop… >

He scooped her into his arms and carried her from the bathroom.  Planting a kiss on her forehead, he laid her on the bed.  He stepped away, unbuttoning his shirt.  Willow forgot her nakedness as she watched Angel slowly expose his body to her.

< Slower?  Faster? >  he asked.

"Faster, Angel… I want to feel you,"  she breathed.

He quickly finished his striptease, chuckling at the gasp he heard when he revealed his enormous erection to her.

Climbing onto the bed, he covered her body with his, his cock pressing flat against her stomach.  He kissed her deeply, and slowly, allowing their tongues to idly mingle together.  Angel was determined to take this slowly for Willow.  She was frightened as it was… to rush things would only confuse her more.

Finally, he felt her arms rising off the bed to hold him.  Pulling away from her mouth, he lowered his head to her breasts, sucking one of her erect buds into his mouth.  Willow gasped, digging her nails into his back as nerves came alive inside her body.  Taking her free nipple between the fingers of his hand, he rolled it back and forth, cautiously twisting and pulling, gauging her reactions.

Her response was to rake her fingers down his back and across his buttocks. He took this as a good sign, and continued, burning a path further down her body.  Her soft, pale skin glistened from the wet trail he was leaving behind.  As he reached her nest of red curls, he paused to gaze up into her face.  He was greeted by the lust-filled smile of his Willow.

< I love you, Willow… if I do anything that you don't want me to do, please tell me… >

< God… Angel… please… lower, Angel… please… oh… yes… that's… it… >

A warmth flowed into his body that he was unfamiliar with.  Willow hadn't a clue what she was saying to him.   All she knew, and all he knew, was that she was enjoying herself, which was all Angel wanted.

He spread her legs a little further, and settled himself between them.  Prying her nether lips apart with his fingers, he felt her shudder.  He traced her heat, deliberately keeping his actions slow as he wondered where the heat was
coming from.  They were both radiating a warmth that was unnatural to the vampires, but not unwelcome.  Willow arched her pelvis towards him, urging him to increase the pressure to her sex.  He eagerly complied, sliding one finger into her slick passage.  She welcomed this intrusion with a quiet moan.

With a controlled rhythm, be began to coax her first orgasm from her.  He knew it wouldn't take long… she was close already.  Smelling her arousal, he longed to taste her nectar.  He flicked his tongue at her swollen clitoris and she jerked beneath him, knowing he found her secret place.  He slid another finger into her tight passage, and roughly dragged his tongue across her sex at the same time.  Her hands were suddenly on his head, her fingers tangling in his hair, urging him closer.  He thrust his fingers deep inside her, sucking her core into his mouth before gently biting down.  Her muscles constricted around his fingers and she came with a cry.

Angel coaxed her along, guiding her through, lapping at her wetness.

< Angel? > she moaned in the quiet of the room.

< Mmhmm? >

< Please, Angel… more… I need more… >

He pulled himself back up her body, his face meeting hers again.  He kissed her tenderly, his tongue tracing her puffy lips.  Her tongue flicked at his, tasting herself.  His erection pressed against her, seeking her heat again.

"Are you ready, cicaro?"  His voice was barely a hoarse whisper.

"Yes, Angel…"

He guided his erection to her entrance, pausing briefly before pushing the tip inside.  He paused again, making sure he wasn't hurting her.

< Angel?  Don't stop… more… >

He pushed in further, reaching her virgin barrier.  He covered her mouth with his own, and broke through.  She released a scream into his mouth as he fully sheathed himself inside her. Pushing himself up onto his arms, he held himself above her, allowing her time to adjust to his intrusion.  Supporting his weight on one arm, he tenderly stroked her sex.  Her muscles began contracting around his cock and he slowly began to move inside her.

Her body was so warm and inviting to him.  He had sex many times before with other vampires, but never made love as he was now.  Maybe it was their souls, maybe it was something else, but Angel couldn't imagine why they were both emanating heat, and he didn't care.  It was the first time in nearly two hundred fifty years that he wasn't cold.  Beads of unearthly sweat formed on his brow as he fought to control the demon that was hovering just beneath his skin.

Willow was writhing on the bed beneath him, the same glistening sheen covering her body.  Her eyes were clenched shut, and Angel had a feeling that if she opened them, he would find her eyes glowing yellow as her demon fought for release.

He rocked against her sex with small thrusts that Willow met, urgently raising her hips off the bed.

"You're holding back, Angel.  Stop it,"  she suddenly commanded, raking her nails across his chest, leaving a bloody trail.

His face shifted, changing to that of the demon.  He pulled himself from her heat,  then thrust back inside, almost angrily, urgently.  Grabbing hold of her hips, he slammed her body against his.  With each thrust, she ground her
clit against his pubic bone, longing for a release from her erotic haze.  Angel scooped his arms underneath her body, pulling her up against him, changing their positions.  Willow's demon hovered just below the surface,
itching to take over.

Angel tangled his fingers in her hair, and pulled her head back, forcing her to look at him.  He saw the image of the demon reflected in her golden eyes.

"Let it go, Willow… release it,"  he growled.

She shook her head out of his grasp and buried her face in the crook between his neck and shoulder, grinding her body hard against his and he felt the ridges and contours of her vampire face forming.  Without warning, she lifted herself off his erection, throwing her head back.  Angel saw the face he hadn't seen since the night of their first kiss on the boat. Willow slammed her body back down on his cock hard, sinking her fangs into his shoulder.  As she sucked his blood into her body, Angel lost control.

His mouth clamped down on her neck, his fangs breaking the skin directly above a pulsating vein.  As her blood rushed into his mouth, Willow screamed against his shoulder, her own teeth still buried deep within his skin as she came, her vaginal walls constricting around his hard cock with all her vampiric strength.

Angel rolled them backward onto the bed, never breaking the contact between their mouths or their sexes.  He pulled her arms away from his body, pinning them above her head as he began thrusting with all his force.  She mewled beneath him, fighting to free her hands and touch him.

He growled, holding her wrists tighter, which only made her fight back more. He reached the point where he could take no more, filling her tight channel with his cold semen.

He released her wrists and collapsed on top of her body, spent.  Shifting back to his human face, he realized that she was still quietly lapping at the wound she had inflicted on him, nursing the last drops of blood until the puncture holes quickly healed over.

He pulled himself off the bed and went into the bathroom.  A moment later he reappeared holding a damp, cool washcloth and gently washed the remaining blood from her neck, caressing his lover.  Climbing into the bed, he pulled the huge white comforter over them, cradling her in his arms.  Neither had spoken, and for the first time in a long time, he didn't know what to say to her.

So intense were the feelings that still coursed through his body that he couldn't even think to form them into words.  He knew that Willow would need to talk, and would need to hear from him what their mating meant to him.

Placing a finger underneath her chin, he tilted her face to look at him.  He brushed his lips against hers.

"Will?"  he whispered.

"Was I ok, Angel?"

"What?  Willow, you were perfect.  I've never felt anything like that before. I've never loved anyone the way I love you."

"I love you, Angel.  Please tell me that no matter what happens, you'll never doubt that I love you again."

"Never.  Willow, I can't even think of the words to tell you how much you mean to me right now… what this meant to me."

She yawned, snuggling closer to him.

"Are you tired?"


"Then sleep… we'll talk tonight.  And you need to be well-rested if you're planning on riding Wicked tonight…"

"I think I just did,"  she giggled.


"Rode Wicked."

Part 18

Willow woke around three in the afternoon.  Angel had released his hold on her sometime during the early morning hours and she rolled over to gaze at him.

He was on the far side of the bed from her, lying on his back.  Willow still hadn't gotten used to the fact that his chest didn't rise and fall, and it unnerved her slightly.

He had kicked the heavy comforter away from his body, and had only the sheet covering him from the waist down.  Willow was able to follow the contours of his body, noting the long lines of his legs, and the bulge at the juncture.  His stomach was rippled.  Willow wondered what he had been doing before his change to be in such good shape.  His chest was smooth and well muscled, his nipples standing out like hard little pebbles.  His sleeping face looked serene and content… almost child-like.  His long eyelashes fluttered briefly as he dreamed.  His beautiful sleep-tousled hair almost beckoned for her to run her fingers through it.

Willow couldn't believe that he was hers.  For so long she had dreamed of this man, never once permitting herself to believe that he could ever feel the same way about her.  He was right when he said that she had never felt the same way about Oz or Xander as she felt about him.  She loved him more.  Xander was the fantasy, not Angel.  He was the one that never turned out to be the man that she had dreamed his was.  Oz, for all his wonderfulness, never turned her on. He was a best friend that she occasionally kissed.

Angel was the best friend that she wanted to kiss all the time.  Every woman deserved to have a man that could make her feel the way Angel made her feel.  He made her feel beautiful, and intelligent.  He never talked down to her, and when he looked at her, it made her feel as if she were the only woman on earth.

She inched her way closer to him, lying on her side.  She propped herself up on one elbow, watching her lover.  A thought occurred to her suddenly.

<  What if…?  No… couldn't be… >  she wouldn't even allow herself to finish the thought.

She reached out to trace small circles on his belly, her fingertips barely grazing his skin.

< But…?  One way to find out, Willow… one way to be certain… >

She slowly pulled the sheet away from his body, being careful not to wake him. His cock rested against his body, the paleness standing out against his dark pubic hair.

She moved her fingers lightly over it, brushing softly from the tip to the base, marveling as it grew beneath her fingers.  Checking to make sure he was still sleeping, she increased the pressure.  His head lolled to one side, but
he showed no signs of waking.  He grew harder as Willow continued to stroke him.  Soon, his erection grew to its full length.   Far too long and thick, it rested heavily against his stomach.

< It's now or never, Rosenberg.  You need to know… >

She cautiously straddled his body, being careful not to place any weight on him.  Delicately, she took his shaft in her hands and positioned it at her entrance, the tip rubbing just inside of her.

Willow swallowed hard, unsure of whether she should do this or not, but she needed to know, and was far too embarrassed to be able to ask Angel about it.

With a deep breath she didn't need, she heavily sank onto his erection.  She cried out as he broke through her hymen again, claiming her virginity once more.

Angel's eyes shot open as he heard her cry and felt her weight fall onto him. Instinctively, he grabbed her hips, confused.

He couldn't even comprehend his arousal or what she was doing… his only thoughts centered on the evident pain she was feeling.

She fell over onto his chest, sobbing, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her, attempting to soothe her.

< Willow? >

"Will, what's wrong?"  he murmured,  "What are you doing?"

His cock stirred as he wakened fully, his senses becoming clearer.


"It healed, Angel."

"What are you talking about, Will?"

"Angel… I'm going to be a virgin forever…"

"Will, did you forget last ni…"  Realization dawned on him,  "It healed…" he murmured, stroking her hair.

Willow sobbed uncontrollably against his chest,  "Every time we make love, Angel… forever…"

"I'm so sorry, Willow… shh…"  he soothed her,  "so sorry…"

He started to roll her off of him, softening inside of her, as he was more concerned with comforting her than getting laid.

"No,"  she cried, "Don't…"

"But, Willow…"

"It'll just heal again… I don't want it to…"

"We can't stay like this forever, cicaro,"  he answered, settling her back on top of him.

"Why not?  I feed off you, you feed off me… we never have to move."

"It's a nice thought, but I'm afraid it doesn't work that way,"  he chuckled.

"It's not funny."

"I know, Willow… I'm sorry."

"What now?"  she asked.

"Well… we can try and figure out a way to make… um… penetration… as gentle for you as possible,"  he answered,  "or we can never make love again."

"Not an option,"  she whispered.

"How bad is the pain, Willow?"

"It's pain, Angel.  It hurts,"  she answered, more sarcastically than she intended.

"Like a punch in the face, or like a scraping your knee, or like a scratch? And how long does it last?"

"It hurts like someone shoving a cucumber… someplace… but it only lasts for a minute."

"So are you saying it's bearable, or unbearable?"

"For anyone else it would be unbearable…but I'd walk through fire for you, so, in comparison I guess it's bearable."

"I love you, Will… I don't ever want you to have to be in pain for me."

"It's more of a shock than anything, Angel.  It's just another thing that I'm going to have to adjust to."

"It seems like you're the one that's having to make all the adjustments in our relationship.  It doesn't seem fair."

"It's all right, Angel.  I don't mind."

"You are too good to be true.  Why would you put up with all this for me?"

Willow raised her head off his chest, and he leaned forward, his lips meeting hers in a brief kiss,  "Because I love you."

She casually rolled her hips against him, reminding him that he was still buried deep inside her.

"I… I'm not sure how to do this, Angel…"