Dear God in Heaven, I am on my knees before you, to ask, to plead, to beg that you hear my prayer.
I’m scared to step in....scared to see what I dread...scared to know my nightmares have become a reality.
I went to her apartment an hour ago
and found it empty. After half hour of pounding and receiving no answer,
I broke down the door....I have never told anyone...but I’m not very patient...
it is part of my selfiness I assume. I was devasted to see the apartment
alone and wouldn’t help but snoop for a moment.....as I waited for her
of course....it has been so many years since I have seen her...known
her....loved her.
As I looked through her apartment I wondered if she still liked to paint...it had been a passion of hers once..... or if she continued to perfect her chess game.... or if she still liked to sit in front of a roaring fire and read, wrapped up in a blanket.....or if she still looked up in the sky and pointed to the star we had named together every night.... or if she still curled up in bed to sleep.......
I couldn’t help the tears that fell....it had been such a long time since I had let the feelings of loss consume me .......
She never returned to her apartment...... I waited, but she never came....... All that was out of place was an old dusty envelope that was left in the center table......
I never found her wedding dress....perhaps I had been too late...perhaps she had never gone back....perhaps once more she had left... or perhaps she was beyond these doors.
I stand before the crossroads that will choose my life......
...........I must do what I must do........
......as I finally push open the doors to my future.