Iím tired.....so tired. Iím lonely....so very much. My thoughts are all a jumble, as my emotions wrack havoc over me. Here I am in a complete mess. I stand before a barrage of memories, the happiness weighing out the sadness. What have I done...... I had a chance... I had the opportunity....... I..........
I lie in this bed....lost to all feel.... lost in a dream....... It took me so long to get here... so long to live through. I have accepted and moved on... and once again I am afraid ...... Damn him....
I turned and ran the moment I entered the door to the altar. I ran as fast as my vampiric speed could take me. I didnít know where to go... I didnít know what to do. I ran through the park, cutting through the graveyard, letting my heart guide me. Tears blurred my vision, my heart in my throat.
I ran through the district, more determined then ever to reach my destination, to drown myself in the past... to relive that catastrophic day and live in eternal bliss.
I pulled the door open, ripping off the hinges as I jumped onto each step, a heart so old beginning to beat.
Dear God... if only you knew what I felt the moment I entered and fell on my knees.
She was there.... in our bed...... curled up... sleeping.
I didnít move, scared that the moment I blinked, the moment I moved, she would be gone..... that she would disappear as she had so many times before in my hallucinations, in my hopes, in my dreams.
And then she was looking at me, those beautiful green eyes looking deep into my soul. I tried to speak, I truly tried, but I could not. There was so much I wanted to tell her.... needed to, but words eluted me.
I stood, not sure what to do, not wanting to place all this faith on a love I could ever let go. We stared at each other, frightened to break the spell that had been casted around us.
She stretched out her arms, becocking me home and I nearly crushed her against me. It had been so long.... Now I truly know how dead I was, for in her arms I felt alive once more, a reason to see the next day.... a reason to search the world for her and never give up... a reason to give up my soul if only to hold her once again. I held her that entire night, until we fell into sleep and even then I held guard. Now I had her..... and I would be dammed if I ever let her go again.
Itís odd, I donít feel old. I donít look old, but I am old. Who would guess Iím 450 years old? Weíll other then my husband, but then again he is 675 years old.
As he wraps his arms around me I canít help but think of how hard it was to get here. It has taken his fierce termination and my complete devotion to get here .... to be this happy.... to be this.... forever.
Our feet play in the sand as the small waves crash against them. I now realize how foolish I was to give up.... to be too scared to fight for my happiness.... to stand up for my love...... I can only thank God that he found me... that he searched for me.....
Eternity may not be enough to show him how much I love him.......
I canít help but stare at her as she lies asleep in my arms. I still marvel at how she fits perfectly against me. I no longer carry the fear of her disappearing in the middle of the night. Our love blossoming more with each passing day.
I look across the room and catch the gift she teased me with for my 800th birthday this morning, a cane, a ball and chain, which we already broke in, as well as a number of other trinkets.
But the gift I hold must dear to my heart is the painting that hangs across our bed. It is of her and I holding each other of our first wedding day so many centuries ago.
I smile as I think of all the arrangements I have made for our new century arrangement wedding next week. I hold her tighter against me as a thought crosses me mind.
.........Eternity may not
be enough to show her how much I love her.