The moon was casting a soft, beautiful glow as I walked down the streets of Paris, lost in my own thoughts. This place would do that to a person, with the soft sounds of music coming from the café's and the feeling of romance and poetry in the air. I thought of all the changes that had taken place in my life during the last 12 years...it was hard to believe so much time had already passed. So many years gone, and countless years awaiting me in the future. As I walk, I think of how strange it seems to look back to the girl I used to be. How could I have been such a shy, reserved person? It was a complete contrast to what I had become. But years and experiences did that to a person, they changed you beyond recognition. It is strange, but while I was just thinking that the past 12 years seemed to have flown by, in a way it seems like I lived a lifetime, experienced a lifetime worth of changes, witnessed unspeakable acts of horror and pain. In a sense, it had been a lifetime. I was now leading such a different life than before. But it was still the same in many ways.
I suppose I am getting ahead of myself. I don't want to confuse you. My name is Willow Rosenburg and this is my story. The year is 2010 and I am recounting my tales for future reference. The Watchers Society came to me recently and asked if I would do them this favor. I could not say no, they had done so much for me. I would have to start about 12 years ago, around the year 1998. I was in high school in Sunnydale, California. I was a shy quite girl, innocent and yet so mature. I had seen things people only dream about, or rather, have nightmares about. My best girl friend was Buffy Summers, the Vampire Slayer. Our group consisted of myself, Buffy, my best guy friend Xander, his girlfriend (for lack of better word) Cordelia, my boyfriend Oz, and Rupert Giles, the school librarian and Watcher of Buffy. During our first years together we battled countless demons, possessed people, and other oddities of hell. I suppose that is a common result of living on a hellmouth, though. Things changed for us drastically the year of 1998. That was the year it all started to fall apart.
We went through many changes that year, and it took its toll on us all. Buffy's then boyfriend Angel, a vampire with a soul, lost that soul and then regained it (through a ritual I performed) months later, only to be sent to hell by Buffy. Buffy left town, and was gone for several months before we were able to find her and let her know we had gotten Angel out of hell. By that time it was too late for them. There were too many hurts and too many broken trusts for them to be together again. Actually, I think that I was the only one truly happy to have Angel back. I trusted him and believed in him through it all, and we became very close friends, best friends actually, as a result of this. In the midst of all of this happening, my story begins.
It was about one week before my seventeenth birthday. I was on my way to meet Buffy, Xander, and Cordelia at the Bronze. Oz had left for college in LA, so he wouldn't be there. We had decided to just be friends, neither of us was interested in a long distance relationship. Anyway, I was running a little early and decided to take my time and enjoy the night. I wasn't watching where I was going, the stars were out in full force that night and were so beautiful. The next thing I know I am knocked on my butt and now seeing stars floating around my head. I looked up and through the fog in my brain I recognized Amy, our local witch.
"Hey Amy," I said " what ever happened to just saying hello????" <jeez, my butt hurt>
"Willow, I am so sorry. I wasn't paying attention, are you ok?"
"Yeah, I am fine, I wasn't looking either. So, what are you doing out by yourself at night? I thought you knew better than that?" I was shocked to see her out alone, it was close to 9:00 and she knew the dangers of nighttime in Sunnydale.
"I don't know, I guess I'm just not thinking. How have you been?"
"Well," I said, "things have been better, but they have been a lot worse, too. So I guess I can't complain. How about you?"
"Well, I have been feeling kinda weird lately. I feel ...well never mind" She turned away from me.
"Amy, what is it? You can tell me, you know I won't say anything" I was worried, she looked really upset.
"It's not that I am worried that you will tell, it is just going to sound weird...." She was looking at her feet while she spoke to me.
"Amy, not many things seem all that weird to me anymore. I have seen my fair share of weirdness. What is it?" I was starting to feel uneasy.
" Well, you know about all my powers and stuff, right?"
"Yeah, I have seen, no been, the result of some of your spells," I was thinking of that love spell she did for Xander.
She blushed slightly at that remark. "Well, I have been working on my powers, making them stronger, and I have gotten to be even stronger than my mother was. Since I am so strong now, I have the ability to sense other powers. One is on its way here. A big one. Something very strong is coming to Sunnydale, and it is making me really nervous." She was starting to look pale.
"Amy, why would it make you nervous? Surely it can't be any worse than things you have seen here before!"
"Well, I have never
sensed anything this powerful before. I have read about it, but feeling
it is way different! This one doesn't feel inherently good or evil. It
is all muddled. That's what scares me the most."
She was really working herself into a frenzy here. I had to calm her down.
"Amy, just relax, take a deep breath. I tell you what, tomorrow you and I will go and talk to Giles. I am sure he can figure this out. For now, why don't you come to the Bronze with me. I am meeting Buffy and the gang there. It will help to take your mind off of it."
She started to get a little color back into her cheeks. "Well, I don't know Willow. Are you sure that would be ok?"
"Oh Amy don't be silly, come on. It will be fun" I grabbed her hand and started dragging her with me.
"Owwww, Willow let go. Damn that hurt like hell, what was that for?!?!" Amy yelled at the top of her lungs.
"What??? What happened??" What the heck was wrong with her??
"When you grabbed my hand, it felt like you were about to break it. "
"But Amy, I barely squeezed your hand, and I know I am not that strong! Are you sure you are ok?"
"I'll be fine." She looked up at me, and her face lost all its color and she started whimpering.
"Oh god oh god oh god..." that is all she said, over and over and over. <Can't I ever just have a normal night anymore?>
"What's wrong now Amy? I really think you should go home, we can Bronze it some other night..."
"Willow, come here!!"
*who said that???*
I turned around and there was Angel across the street. He looked upset too, really upset. I ran over there to see what was wrong. Halfway there I remembered Amy, so I called out to her, "Amy, are you going to be ok for a sec??"
The only response I got was "Oooohhhhhh". Well, that's encouraging, I thought sarcastically.
"Willow, PLEASE!!" That came from Angel, so I ran the rest of the way over there. Breathing heavily, I reached him.
"What? What is so important that I had to come running over here?" I yelled, shocking him and myself.
"What's going on, Willow... Whoa wait a second...look at me...why are you...you..." Angel couldn't seem to find the right word.
" Why am I what??" <Jeez, could this night get any weirder? >
" Your...um...well...your eyes...oh boy"
"What about my eyes? Is something wrong? Hang on...let me see.." I dug around in my bag for a mirror or something. When I finally found one and looked I almost fainted. There was definitely something wrong with my eyes...they were not their normal everyday color anymore...they were YELLOW!!
"Umm...Angel? What....why?" That was about all I could manage at the moment.
"Willow...I wish I
could tell you. I think we need to go see Giles...." He paused mid-sentence
to stare at me.
At that particular moment I got the strangest feeling. It was like a tingly feeling in my head, it is impossible to describe, the best I can do is tingly. I started looking around trying to understand what was happening. All of a sudden a thought pushed it self to the front of my mind with such a force I blinked in surprise. Angel is a VAMPIRE. Well, duh, I thought. That's nothing new. But it was like I could feel that he was a vampire, I didn't just know it anymore. I was shaken out of my thoughts by the sounds of Amy talking to herself. " This is crazy. I have to get out of here before I go insane..." She turned to go home.
" Amy really, everything
will be ok. Don't worry, if anyone goes insane, I have a feeling it will
Amy turned and looked at me with a shocked expression on her face, then started walking faster.
"Boy, you'd think she
was the one with yellow eyes and funny feelings the way she's acting..."
Angel was doing it again, he was staring at me with that look.
"Now what? Did I grow horns too or something?"
"How did you hear what she said? I could barely hear her, and I have, well you know, really good hearing, that whole vampire thing..."
<I guess this night really could get weirder, huh. >
"I don't know Angel, I just heard her. I don't know how to explain it, I don't know how to explain anything anymore.." I was dangerously close to losing my very fragile hold on my fear. I was also very close to tears at this point. "Why don't we go see Giles, I am sure he is still at the library, you know him."
"I think that is a good idea. Here let me help you...." Angel started to pick me up.
"No Angel, I am sure
I can manage to walk. I don't feel weak at all...." As soon as I said that,
I promptly fainted into his arms.
<Oww, my head>
That was my first conscious thought as I slowly opened my eyes. My head was pounding. As my eyes slowly adjusted to the light, I realized I wasn't at home in my bed, where I should have been. I was lying on the table in the middle of the library. I tried to sit up, but then my head started spinning. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Giles and Angel rush over to me.
"Hey sleepy girl, how are you feeling?" Angel's voice sounded like the sweetest sound I had ever heard. <whoa, where did that thought come from? >
"I am ok, just have a major headache! How long have I been lying here?" I sat up, and this time my head didn't spin <yea! >
"You've been out for about 20 minutes, we were getting worried," Giles sat down in the chair next to me. He put his hand on my forehead, and seemed satisfied that I didn't have a fever.
"Wow, sorry guys, I didn't mean to scare you," The events of earlier that night came back to me and I quickly pulled out a mirror to look at my eyes, which thankfully were normal again.
"Angel, did I dream all that..." I looked at him hopefully.
Angel looked at me sadly, "No little one, you didn't. It all really happened."
Angel sighed and looked to Giles for help, "Willow," Giles hesitated.
"Go ahead Giles, tell me what you think" I didn't want to wait any longer to find out what was going on.
" Well, Willow, Angel has filled me in on the nights events. This is quite puzzling, and I am going to have to consult my books to see what is happening. Willow, you haven't been attacked lately, have you?" Giles looked at me , almost like he hoped I would say yes.
'No Giles, you know I would tell you guys if I was! I haven't even seen a vamp in awhile, except you of course, Angel, but that's different, because you're different, I mean you're a vampire and all but you are special and have a soul and...." I stopped rambling, feeling a blush start creeping its way into my face and looked at Giles.
"Ahem, yes well, that is different, but that is not important right now. I am definitely going to have to look into this. Angel, do you think you could stay with Willow for a while, just to be sure everything is ok?" I looked over to Angel to see his reaction.
"Of course, I was going to anyway. I am as worried as you are." Angel was quick with his response.
"Worried? Who said anything about worried? I don't want to be worried?!" That was me of course, always the one to ramble on. Angel just looked at me with one of those 'Willow, calm down' looks. <I swear, he is getting to know me way too well> But strangely enough, that thought warmed me on the inside. Something about him just seemed to reach me, to touch me in a way no one else had... speaking of touching, his was so gentle and kind and god isn't he so gorgeous........oh dear, there I go thinking crazy thoughts again. <He is just a friend, Willow....JUST a friend!!> If that was true, why was I spending so much time dwelling on these thoughts....
"Willow.....Wil...WILLOW.." Oops, Angel was talking to me...he caught me dreaming!
"Yeah, yes, what?" Gee, do you think he could tell I was flustered??? If not, he surely couldn't miss the bright red color of my face!!
"Are you ready to go?" Angel was kind enough not to say anything, if he did notice.
"Yeah, sure. I think
I could use a good nights sleep," I smiled ruefully up at Angel, who held
out his hand to me.
I gingerly took his hand in mine and got off of the table where I was still sitting. I turned to say good-bye to Giles. I noticed he had a strange look of amazement on his face (I did not register that or the reason for that look until a few days later.)
As Angel and I walked out into the warm night he kept his hold on my hand. It felt so warm and safe there with him. It was as though I had no worries or fears at all. God knows I did though, after everything that had happened that night. That didn't seem to bother me though. I felt safe with Angel. I knew that nothing could hurt me, nothing could reach me as long as I was with him. As we made our way to my house, I started feeling anxious. My parents were out of town and wouldn't be back for nearly two weeks. I didn't want to be alone tonight.
"Angel," I said softly. "Do you think that maybe, well, my parents are out of town and I don't want to be alone. I was wondering if maybe..."
"Willow, would you
like to stay at my place for a while?" Angel squeezed my hand, as if to
I smiled up at him with relief. "I thought you would never ask!" With that said, we turned and headed to his apartment.
Angel held the door for me as I walked into his apartment. I had come here several times in the months since I had gotten to know Angel, yet every time I walk in, the beauty of it shocks me. He had moved since he returned from Hell, I suppose the other place held too many memories for him. This place was bigger, and beautifully decorated. Wonderful artwork and exotic sculptures decorated the rooms. While I looked around, noticing some new additions, Angel had gone into the kitchen and returned with a glass of water for me.
"Thank you," I said, suddenly feeling shy. <What is wrong with me? I have been here alone with Angel tons of times! Why do I feel shy around him?> Then that pesky inner voice of mine spoke up <you know why Willow, you just don't want to admit it!> <Oh, shut up, you don't know what you are talking about!>
<Whatever you say, you know the truth as well as I do, just admit it!!! >
Angel didn't seem to notice that I was waging a war against myself in my head, "You're welcome, little one. How are you feeling?" Angel's voice was soft, like fine silk over my ears.
"I'm ok, really. Just a little drained, that's all." <Fighting with yourself tends to do that to you!> I sighed and leaned against the wall, suddenly overcome with weak knee syndrome.
"Come here, sit down with me one the couch," Angel pulled me over to sit next to him on his brown suede couch. The fabric was soft, supple against my skin. I relaxed against the back of the couch, letting the plush folds encase me. <could this be heaven?> It felt wonderful! I glanced over to Angel, only to find him grinning at my obvious contentment.
"What?" I asked, knowing the answer. He must have thought I was nuts, or had never seen suede before!
"You just look beautiful, your eyes closed, so obviously satisfied just sitting on a couch!" Angel grinned at me again. <Wow, that makes twice in one night!>
I just looked at him in shock. Did he just call me beautiful?? Well, that certainly wasn't the answer I was expecting. It made my stomach do little flips to think that Angel thought I was beautiful! Guys didn't call me beautiful, Buffy was beautiful, not me!
Angel obviously noticed my surprise, "Willow, don't you know how beautiful you are? Surely I am not the first person to tell you that!"
"Actually, Angel, you are the first person..." I spoke softly, hiding my face from him, so he wouldn't see me blushing, yet again.
"Well, let me let you
in on a little secret...you are beautiful, little one. Very beautiful,"
Angel reached up and gently turned my face up to his as he said this, so
that he was looking straight into my eyes as he said the last part.
I stared back at him in wonder, wonder of how someone so amazing, so special could actually think plain old Willow was beautiful! I thought perhaps he was just saying that to make me feel good, but the way his eyes were piercing my own, looking deep into me, I did not see how he could be lying. His eyes had me enraptured, caught in them, like a person caught in the strong tides of the ocean. I felt as though I was drowning, drowning in deep pools of chocolate brown. I thought of how wonderful it would feel to have his arms around me, wrapping me tight in their folds, encasing me, caressing me. I thought of his lips, soft supple lips on mine, kissing me. I thought of his tongue teasing the outer corners of my mouth, begging for an invitation, an invitation to enter and invade and plunder the hidden corners of my mouth, sweeping and plunging, gently at first, then with growing passion....
Suddenly my mind cleared and I realized I had moved closer to Angel while I was daydreaming. I was practically on his lap, sitting with my legs draped over his. His arm was around my waist pulling me closer, as my hand was caressing his face.
"Angel," I whispered, scared of what was happening.
"I know little one,
just relax. We aren't going to do anything you don't want to do. I...I
..can I kiss you...please?"
I slowly nodded my head and he and I both leaned forward, our lips touching softly at first, barely grazing the surface. Then I deepened the kiss, opening my mouth and forcing his open. Our tongues collided, sweeping over one another, each of us learning the taste of the other. It went on like that for what seemed like hours, when in reality it was only minutes. The passion between us grew, to a level I had never before known. My body felt like it was burning, like embers of a fire, from the inside out.
Angel picked me up and laid me down on my back without ever removing his lips from mine. He laid his body on top of mine supporting most of his weight on one arm. His free hand moved its way up to my face then slowly descended down my neck and over my shoulder. He tore his mouth away from mine to follow his hand. He nuzzled my chin with his lips to get me to lift my head, giving him full access to make his way down and across my neck. His tongue teased little circles in the hollow behind my ear before he lightly nipped my ear with his teeth. As his tongue was working its magic on my neck, his hand had moved slowly down to caress my breast through my shirt, teasing the nipple until it stood erect, straining against the material of my bra. I gasped as his hand found it's way under my shirt and then lifted my bra, releasing my breasts from their confinement. The feel of his hand upon my bare breast was enough to drive me insane. I was in heaven, his touch was like satin, caressing me, teasing me. Then the impossible happened, he did something that made my pleasure increase ten fold. At the first feel of his breath upon my breast I thought I had died, then came the wet warmth of his tongue working in slow teasing circles around my breast, not touching the nipple, teasing me into oblivion. Finally, swiftly, he sucked my nipple into his mouth and caressed it with his tongue. I could feel the blood rushing through my veins, it was almost as though I could hear it, hear my heart beat, hear it roaring in my in head. At that point I did something that neither of us expected....I GROWLED!
Angel's head jerked up, and when he looked at me shock replaced the passion that had been in his eyes only moments before. He got off of the couch and sank down to the floor, leaning his back against the couch. I hastily pulled my shirt and bra down, suddenly feeling very cold and embarrassed and...well angry!
"What the hell did you stop for?!?" I asked him furiously.
When he looked up at me, the sadness and worry in his eyes made all of my anger disappear instantly. I knew what was wrong. IT had happened again. I sank down beside him on the floor, leaned my head against his shoulder.
"Angel, what is going on? What is happening to me?"
Angel just shook his head, "I don't know little one, but the suspicions I have aren't comforting..." His voice trailed of until I could barely hear him.
"What suspicions, Angel? Do you know why this is happening?" If he had any idea, I wanted to know. I felt I deserved to know. It was ME it was happening to, after all.
"Willow, how much do you know about your family history? Did you ever know your great-grandparents at all? Do you know anything about them?" Angel looked at me expectantly.
"Well, I met my paternal great-grandparents, but my maternal great-grandparents died before I was born. I have only seen pictures of my great-grandfather. My great-grandmother didn't like camera's I suppose, because we have never had any pictures of her...why do you ask?" Angel's questions were confusing me, they seemed very off the topic.
"Will, I am asking
because I think that I may know the answer. Did you ever know much about
your grandmother? Your mother's mother, I mean," Angel was really confusing
me now. I wasn't following his line of thinking.
"Yes, I knew her for a little while before she died when I was 9. She lived in a pretty remote part of South Dakota. We only got to visit once, maybe twice a year, but I do remember she was always the night owl. My mom says that is where I get it. Her and I used to go night fishing when we would visit her. Of course, she didn't like fish, so she never ate any of it, but we had fun anyway. Come to think of it, there were a lot of unusual things about my grandmother, I never really noticed them before..." As I started thinking back to my childhood, all of these thoughts and memories came rushing into my head at once, and I finally realized what Angel was getting at.
"Angel, do you think, I mean could she have been...a vampire?" My voice was trembling and I spoke in a hushed voice, as if I was sharing a secret with him.
"I think it may be possible. It is the only explanation I can come up with for what is happening," Angel spoke with concern and sadness in his voice.
"But, how is that possible? I thought vampires couldn't have children!"
"Well, I remember once, about 150 years ago, some of the group I was running with telling me this story. I have always thought it was a myth, but now I think it might be true..." As he spoke Angel gathered me into his arms and I curled into his side and laid my head upon his chest.
"Please tell me the story, I want to know" I tilted my head up so I could see his face.
He looked down at me and nodded his head, "Ok, I will tell you. But please remember, this is only a suspicion I have, I don't know anything for sure." Angel squeezed my arm with his hand and then began.
"There are several different breeds of vampires. We are not all alike, as you may have thought. Different breeds have different cultures, different ways of life, and this story involves a breed of vampires that somehow keeps many aspects of their humanity, even after being changed. I have never encountered them, only heard this story. I did not believe it to be true, but now I am having second thoughts. It was said that this breed could have children. Not amongst themselves, but a woman could become pregnant by a mortal man. That baby would be a hybrid, half mortal, and half vampire. From then on, it would be passed down genetically to any children the hybrid might have, but it would skip a generation every time and there were limitations. The genes could only be passed on to a child of the same gender as the hybrid, and the child would be completely mortal until their bodies reached an age and maturity when it could handle the changes, that usually would happen around the age of 17. Once that happened, the child would then become a hybrid also. Willow, I think that you are one of those children..." his voice drifted off after that. I felt as though a bomb had just been dropped, into the middle of my life. Exploding, shattering the peacefulness, the sanity that I had grown accustomed to.
* Could this be true? Could this actually be happening to me? Me, Willow, an actual vampire hybrid...was there actually such a thing?? If it were true, what would happen, how much of my life would I have to give up? Could I still see the sun, eat a cheeseburger, have a normal relationship with a man??* All of these thoughts were running through my mind at the same time. I was becoming overwhelmed, and I think Angel sensed that. He slowly turned my face towards his, looked deep into my eyes, into my soul and spoke to me...
"Wil, it will be ok. Whatever the truth is, we will get through this together. I am here for you always, I care about you. Please know that, you have to know that," Angel's eyes were pleading with me to accept his statement and welcome him as a permanent structure in my life; and I did.
I took his hand into my own and looked at him deeply and openly and accepted him and his offer. I had no choice, I needed him as much as he needed me.
As Angel realized what
I had done, he let out a deep sigh of relief (an interesting task considering
he didn't breathe). He gathered me close and held me tight. We drew strength
from each other, each absorbing and storing energy from the other. We both
knew we would need it for whatever the future held for us, but together
we would, could, face it.
That night I slept in Angel's bed wrapped in the protective shield of his arms. I didn't think I would be able to sleep, with all of the thoughts running through my mind, but as soon as those arms came around me, it was as though all worries and problems left me, and I fell asleep almost immediately.
I woke up to the realization that Angel was not in the bed anymore. I sat up, trying to listen for sounds of his movement. I knew he had to be here still, it was daylight. I finally heard a noise coming from the direction of the kitchen. I drug myself out of bed and went into the bathroom. *I need a long, hot shower*
I turned the water on, and undressed while it heated up. Stepping into that hot water was probably the best feeling I'd had in days. I let the water run over my body, warming me, waking me up. I stood there for at least 5 minutes not moving, just enjoying the feeling. I heard a knock on the door and called for Angel to come in. The door opened slowly and I peeked around the curtain, and saw him standing there, his hair rumpled from sleep, he looked absolutely gorgeous. Then I noticed his bare chest and the jeans he wore hanging low on his hips. I drug my eyes back up to his face and saw him grinning devilishly at me.
"Enjoy the view?" he asked me seductively.
I shocked us both with my reply.
"I would like it better if you came a little closer...." I looked at him and waiting to see his response. He looked at me with shock, and then came over to me and kissed my lips gently.
"Carus; honey, as much as I am tempted, I think that I need to leave this room before things get out of hand. Besides, I came in here to tell you that we have to leave in 30 minutes to go meet Giles in the library. I just got off of the phone with him, and he said he couldn't wait until tonight to see us. We are going to have to take the tunnels over there because the sun is out."
I put on a pout and looked up at him with my best attempt at 'puppy dog' eyes.
Angel chuckled and planted another gentle kiss on my forehead. "Come on, Carus, let's get ready to go."
"Carus...is that Latin?" I asked, wondering what it meant.
"Yes, actually it is. Wanna know what it means?" Angel teased.
I nodded my head, trying to look sweet and innocent, which wasn't hard considering I was. Angel's expression turned serious and he pulled me closer into his arms, "It means Beloved. That is how I feel about you..."
"What????Oh wow, Angel.... really? When did...How did.... ME???" I was baffled. I had known our relationship was changing, but not that he cared about me enough to call me his BELOVED!!! In the past few months, I had matured a lot. I had grown from a girl to a woman. I knew the difference between true love and infatuation now. I knew that I had begun to love Angel from the day I brought him back, but I had no idea he felt the same.
"Willow, this is a
conversation that we need to have later, when we have more time, ok. Tonight,
I promise. We can talk all we want. Right now we need to get ready to go
see Giles, so you finish up, and I am going to go get dressed." Angel spoke
gently, then kissed me quickly before leaving the room, closing the door
I finished up in the shower, then dried off and got dressed with a speed unknown to a normal human being. I walked out of the bathroom, brushing my hair and ran right into Angel.
"Uumpphh....Ow," I stumbled backwards and Angel grabbed my arms. I rubbed my head where the brush had ground into it. "That hurt," I pouted. "Are you ok?" I looked up to Angel to see if he suffered any damage, only to look into two brown eyes filled with mirth. I could see the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and knew he didn't want to hurt my feelings by laughing at me. I grinned back up at him, seeing the humor in the situation. Seeing my smile, he felt free to let his laughter loose. Soon, we were both laughing hysterically and I had to lean against him to keep from falling over. With tears streaming from my eyes, I looked up at him and asked "Walk much?" That sent us both into new fits of laughter. By the time we got control of ourselves, we were both holding each other up. I felt so much better, being able to laugh like that had relieved the tension both of us had been feeling. We both collected ourselves, and he looked down at me.
"Are you almost ready to go, little one?"
"Yeah, I think so. Just let me put on my shoes, and we are off. I wish we didn't have to walk through the tunnels...Angel?" My voice went from lighthearted to worried in an instant.
"What is it Carus?" Angel took hold of both of my arms and pulled me up to look me straight in the eye.
"Do you think that I will be able to go out in the sun anymore? Please don't tell me that I can't..." I started whimpering at the thought. "Let's not worry about that now, let's go see Giles. He can help us sort it all out, ok?" Angel gathered me close to him and kissed my forehead. "Come on, let's go."
As Angel led me out
of the apartment, I couldn't help but think that by us leaving the safe
haven of his home, our lives were forever changing. I still wasn't sure
if it was for the better, or the worse.
Cold, filthy water splashed around me feet as I fell into the tunnel. <Eww, this is so disgusting. How do I get myself into these messes??> I heard a splash behind me and felt Angel grab my hand.
"Come on, this way," He started dragging me behind him. I struggled to keep up with him, taking 2 steps to each 1 of his.
"Um, Angel, sweetie, do you think you could slow down just a little? Please!" Angel came to an abrupt halt, causing me to run into the back of him.
"Oomph! Well, that helped a lot." I had to struggle to keep myself from falling. <Oh no! There is no way I am going down in this NASTY water! >
"What? Oh, I am sorry Willow. I was just wrapped up in my thoughts. Are you ok? I wasn't even paying attention." Angel grinned sheepishly and pulled me close to him to give me a hug. <Well, this is much better> I thought with a grin.
"Don't worry Angel, I am fine. But do me a favor, and next time try not to play Mr. Caveman, ok?" I smiled, to make sure he knew I was teasing.
"Whatever you say, Carus. Your wish is my command," Angel made grand gestures with his arms before bowing low at the waist.
"Smartass! Come on, Giles is going to worry if we aren't there soon," This time I grabbed Angel's hand to lead the way.
"Um, darling, you are going the wrong way, unless we are going back to the apartment...that is the way we just came..." Angel pulled me to a stop.
"I knew that...I was just testing you. Oh, don't look at me like that, let's just go!!" I tried to distract him from the fact that I had just made a fool of myself.
"Well, I have an idea on how we can get there faster...." With that said, Angel swung me up in his arms and took of at lighting speed, running through the tunnel, splashing water everywhere, soaking us both.
"ANGEL!! Put me down!!
Oh, I am going to get you for this!!!!!" My screams echoed through the
tunnels, only to go unheard by my assailant.
"What on earth happened to the two of you?? Is everything alright? Oh dear, where you attacked?" Giles pulled out his handkerchief and began wiping his brow furiously.
"Giles, it's ok. Angel just had a little too much fun playing in the tunnels that's all," THAT was an understatement. I could just imagine what we looked like, walking into the library, dripping wet and we must have smelled like...I don't even want to think of what we smelled like!
"Fun in the tunnels? Yes, well, I umm suppose that can happen. Well, now, I am glad you are here. Angel told me there have been further changes and that he may have a theory. Let's sit down, shall we? " Giles led us over to the table, were Angel and I sat side by side while Giles sat across from us.
My mind kind of wandered while Angel repeated his theory to Giles. I knew I should pay attention, but I had already heard it all the night before. I thought about what was going to happen to me. How was this going to affect my life? How much would I change? I had no answers, but so many questions. It just didn't seem fair. I know we weren't positive Angel's theory was right, but for some reason, deep down I felt that it was. How much of my humanity will I keep? Will I have a demon? <This is so damn frustrating! Ugh! >
" What do you think Willow? You haven't put much into this conversation." Uh-oh Giles was talking to me and I had no idea what he was talking about!
"Huh? I mean, I'm sorry, what Giles? I um, well I wasn't paying attention...sorry." I sat there with (hopefully) a sheepish look on my face.
Giles whipped out the trusty handkerchief and started wiping his brow. "Not paying attention? Yes well, that's ok...I suppose you have a lot on your mind. We were discussing the fact that while I too had heard rumors about this 'breed' of vampires, I had always thought that they were just that, rumors that is. In light of the current changes you are undergoing, I think it is best that we not try any tests on you yet, I wouldn't want to weaken you to greatly. Perhaps for now you should stay with Angel while I do some research." Giles was sweating profusely and did not look happy. I guess he wasn't too comfortable being in a room alone with not only one but now, well, 1 ½ vampires.
"Giles, it's me, Willow. Please be honest with me, I know when you are holding something back. You aren't telling me everything, what else is there?" I could tell he wasn't letting me in on the whole story. "Angel, do you know what Giles isn't telling me?" I looked to Angel, and from the minute I saw his face, I knew that he did know.
"Willow, really. I don't think that it is necessary to get into this right now. You need to get some rest and pay attention to the changes happening to you. If our theory is true, we need to be aware of exactly what is happening and how much you are going to change. We can't take any chances. You two should go now, everyone will be here soon...." I cut Giles of mid-sentence.
"No Giles, tell me NOW!" <What could be so horrible that they don't want to tell me? Well, they weren't getting away with that! >
"Ok Willow, ok. But not here, I don't want to risk us being interrupted. Why don't you and Angel go wait for me in my office, and I will be in as soon as I take care of the others." Giles looked as though he had just fought a huge battle and lost. I realized that while he didn't want to tell me, he had resigned himself to the fact that I was not going to let him get away with that.
"Good. We will wait in your office, but don't stall Giles. We NEED to talk about this, ok?" I put on my resolve face and stood facing him with my arms crossed.
Giles pulled out his handkerchief and wiped his brow. "Yes Willow, that is fine. I will be in there shortly."
I grabbed Angel's hand
and pulled him into Giles' office and closed the door.
Angel and I sat in Giles office for nearly an hour before Giles returned. We had been able to hear muffled voices and arguments, but couldn’t make out what was being said. As soon as Giles entered the room, I stood up and faced him. I was surprised to see a very anxious, nervous look on his face.
“Willow, I know you are anxious to have this conversation, but something much more dire has come up and I have to leave now. We discovered a prophecy and Buffy and I need to leave immediately for Los Angeles. It is nothing to be too concerned about, but it does appear to be more dire than the situation here…I hope you can understand…” Giles looked hopefully at me, who appeared to be fighting an inner battle.
“I understand Giles, just please try to hurry back…it can’t take too long to save the world can it?” I looked up at Giles, a slight smile crossing my face.
Giles let out a deep sigh of relief, he had really hoped for this reaction. The last thing he wanted to test now was her reaction to things when she got angry! “ We should be back early tomorrow morning, we can talk then. Meet me here in the library?” Giles asked, hoping this would keep me happy.
“That is fine Giles, you know me ‘easy to please’” I looked at the guilty look on Gile’s face, and burst out laughing. “I am teasing Giles, lighten up!” My mood seemed to have made a dramatic turn around since a mere hour earlier. I no longer felt the incredible tension I had earlier.
“Well, ok then. Why don’t the two of you leave now, before the others get back. The last thing we need is for them to be asking more questions. I will tell them you are feeling ill and staying home for a few days, that should pacify their concerns for the time being. I have to run now, so be careful tonight. Remember, we still don’t know the extent of the changes you will be going through.” Giles gave me what he hoped was a stern look, and waited for my agreement.
“Yes Giles, I will go to bed early and not talk to any strangers, promise!” The sarcasm was evident in my voice, but it was obvious I was accepting his requests and would do them.
“Very well, I will see you tomorrow then. “ Giles took his exit, leaving Angel and myself alone again.
“Do you want to walk home with me? I should go see my mother, I was thinking that maybe she would know something that would help me” I looked expectantly towards Angel, strangely feeling shy. Thinking back on the past 24 hours, I realized how much had happened and, more specifically, I remembered what had happened between myself and Angel last night. <I can’t believe that was me doing that! What was I thinking? That’s not me, shy little Willow doesn’t do those things! >
“Of course I will walk you home. I think it is a good idea that you talk to your mother, but be careful. If she doesn’t already know about these things, you don’t want to scare her. Be very cautious what you say to her, ok?” Angel stood, taking my hand in his as he spoke.
“I know Angel, I will be careful, don’t worry. I just need to go home, a lot has happened…” my voice drifted off and I looked down at my feet, suddenly engrossed in my new shoe laces. He took my chin in his hand and tilted my face upwards, looking deep into my eyes.
“Don’t worry, Carus,
everything is going to be fine, I promise” He used the term of endearment
intentionally, to let me know that he regretted none of what had happened.
My eyes began to tear, and seeing this he tried to distract me. Tugging
my arm, he led me through the door. “Come on, let’s get you home”
The sun had since set, so we were not forced to re-enter the stench of
the tunnels <thank god>.
We walked peacefully down the quiet streets, hand in hand and lost in our own thoughts. We both had a lot on our minds, and the main thing on my mind was concern over what my mother might tell me tonight. Did she know about this? Did she know anything about my grandmother? I could only hope and pray that she would have some answers for me. Thank god she was in town and not away on another one of her many business trips! As we reached my driveway, Angel slowed to a stop and turned to look at me. I looked shyly up at him, and noted the slight grin on his lips and the look of amusement in his eyes.
“And just what is it you find so amusing?” I asked him this question, a grin of my own appearing.
“You are so adorable, do you know that? Last night you were a wildcat and now today you are acting so shy around me.” Angel’s face took on a more serious look. “Are you ok with everything that happened last night darling?” His eyes looked worried, as if he was afraid of my answer.
I wrapped my arms around him and laid my face against his chest, and his arms instinctively came around to hold me. We stood there like that for a few moments before I pulled back to look up at him. “ I am ok with it Angel, I am just feeling a little embarrassed. I don’t normally act like that, you know? I am not the sexy one, the one who flirts with and gets all the boys. I am the one who everyone comes to for help, to look stuff up for them, even you did remember? That’s me, that’s what I do. Not going around making out with boys, especially 245 year old boys..err..vampires…hmm, but now I am a vampire, so does that mean I am going to start doing this more often? Is that what vampires do?” I looked up at Angel and immediately realized I had been vocalizing all the thoughts that had been running through my mind. I could feel my face getting warm and knew I was blushing furiously. Angel was doing all he could not to outright laugh at me, I could tell from the way he was biting his lip and his chest was shaking with pent-up laughter. “OK, laugh if you want to. It really isn’t funny though…” I looked back to Angel, who seemed to have gotten his laughter under some control. He had a wide smile spread across his face and he looked absolutely edible *edible? Hmm…now there’s an interesting thought* I shook my head slightly, as if trying to rid my mind of those thoughts. “Angel, everything is fine, really. It is just that so much has happened in the past 24 hours, you know? I think I just need to go talk to my mother and then just spend some time alone, ok? How about if I call you tomorrow morning to let you know what happened?”
Angel gently laid his hand upon my cheek, “That is fine darling, I understand. Although, it might take me awhile to answer the phone when you call, seeing as that is actually my bedtime…but that is ok. For you, I will sacrifice my sleep,” A playful grin played across his lips.
“Oh thank you my lord, that is SO gracious of you,” I returned his playful grin with plenty of sarcasm added in for good measure.
He leaned down to place a gentle kiss on my lips, and we said goodbye. As he was leaving, I stood looking up at my house wondering just what this conversation had in store for me.
I entered the house and closed the door behind me. “Mom? Mom, are you home?” I walked into the living room and saw my mother sitting in her favorite chair reading a book.
“Hi hun, how are you? Did you have a good day?” Mom set her book aside and removed her reading glasses.
“It was fine Mom, a little hectic though. Do you have some free time? There is something I need to talk to you about, and I think it will take a while.” I looked hopefully at my mother, not knowing what I would do if she said no.
“Of course I do, sweetie. Your father is out of town this week, so it is just you and me, is that ok?” Mom moved to sit next to me on the couch, a concerned look washing over her face.
“Yeah Mom, that is fine. It is you I really need to talk to anyway. OK, this is not easy for me to ask and you may not even know what I am talking about, which is fine. I just need to see if you do, ok?”
Mom looked very confused, but she nodded her head, “Ok, whatever you need to say, you know I am always here for you. Go ahead.”
I took a deep breathe and began, being sure to look at my mother the whole time to see if she showed any outward reaction to what I said. “It’s about Nana, Mom. I need to know more about Nana.” I paused, seeing a flicker of understanding in my Mother’s eyes. That look gave me the hope I needed to continue and to jump right in.
“Mom, was there anything unusual about Nana I should know about?” I looked at my mother and saw her draw a deep breath and knew instinctively that she knew. She knew what was going on, she was going to give me the answers I needed.
Mom reached over and put her hands over mine and looked deep into my eyes as she spoke, “ Yes darling there was, but I have a feeling you already know it, don’t you?” I nodded my head slowly but said nothing, waiting for her to continue. She looked at me with a worried look, “Has it started already?”
Slightly surprised by her question, I paused for a moment before speaking, “It began last night. Why didn’t you tell me about this, warn me?” I asked that question with no anger in my voice, merely curiosity.
“We weren’t sure it was going to happen to you. We knew there was the chance, but it wasn’t definite. Some times the gene lies dormant and is never activated. I didn’t want to scare you by telling you about it.” She paused, waiting to see if I accepted her explanation. I did and nodded my head for her to continue.
“There is more you should know honey…Nana is not dead. She is still living in South Dakota and is waiting for you to come to her. She wants to help you through this.”
I gasped for air, feeling as though someone had slapped me. “NOT DEAD? Well, now that I think about it, of course she is not dead...she can’t die. That is unless someone stakes her...but is that the only way if you are a hybrid?” I realized I was rambling and immediately stopped, asking one last question. “Why did you make me think she was dead?”
“Willow, we had to. You would have started asking questions when you realized that your grandmother never got older…never aged in all of your 18 years. Beside that, the government would have started to wonder why this woman had been around for so long and was still alive. She had to fake her death, she didn’t want to. We all knew how much pain it would cause you, but it had to be done. You can understand, can’t you darling?” Mom’s eyes and voice pleaded with me to understand, and while I could, it was still a very big shock to me, although a wonderful shock.
“She’s alive! I can’t believe she is alive, that is so great! Oh mom, that is wonderful! She’s waiting for me? She wants me to come to stay with her?” I couldn’t believe all this was happening. I was going to see my Nana again! All those times I had missed her, cried for her, and she was still alive and she was waiting for me to come see her!
Mom smiled while she was watching the play of emotions across my face. “She is alive and yes she is waiting for you. We should get you out to see her as soon as possible. You should start training with her immediately. She has many things she will need to teach you.”
“Oh wow Mom…there are
so many thoughts running through my head, I can’t even think straight!!
How long will I have to be there? What about school, and my friends?”
I felt a surge of panic when I realized that I would have to miss my classes.
*and Angel…I would have to leave Angel, and Buffy and the rest of the gang*
Mom sensed my distress and rushed to calm my worries, “Sweetie, don’t worry. You can get your assignments from you teachers and take them with you. Your grandmother has a phone too, you know…you can talk to your friends everyday. Willow, how are you going to explain this to them? Surely they wouldn’t understand the truth…”
“Actually Mom, you’d be surprised at how well they understood this.” I took a deep breathe before saying,
“Mom, you know my friend Buffy, right? Well, she is the slayer…and my friend Angel, he’s a vampire too…” I looked at my mom’s face, trying not to smile at the shock written plainly across her face. “But don’t worry Mom, Buffy would never do anything to hurt me, especially once she knows the circumstances. Angel, he has a soul, he was cursed years ago by a gypsy clan.”
“Wait a second, let me get this straight. Your best friend is the slayer and your other friend is a vampire?! Holy shit!” Mom looked sheepish at her language and made quick to apologize. “Sorry Will, this is just a surprise! I had heard your Nana talk about the slayer before, but never expected, never even thought that you might know one!”
I smiled openly at my mother’s surprise, but tried to calm her down, “Don’t worry mom, it is fine. Just think of it this way, it will sure make it easier to tell them won’t it? Actually, Angel already knows, he is the one who told me what hybrids were and how it happened. He is a good friend to me mom, a very good friend.” I blushed slightly, thinking to myself of exactly how good a friend he was to me.
My mom picked up on my thoughts, “How good a friend Willow? I think I might have to finally meet this Angel fellow…” She began to look like a lioness protecting her cubs. I leaned over to give her a kiss on her cheek, “I would love for you to meet him mom, let’s just get this all straightened out first, ok? Now, I suppose you should call Nana and let her know. We will need to make reservations for me to fly out there and I have to talk to my teachers tomorrow at school to get my assignments. I think I am going to go to bed now though, these past 24 hours have worn me out!”
“Of course darling. I will take care of the reservations and call Nana. Just think, within the next two days you will be with your Nana again!” Mom placed a kiss on my forehead and got up. “ You go on upstairs and get some rest, ok? Tomorrow will be a busy day.”
I smiled at her and
rose from the couch. On my way up the stairs, I couldn’t help but
be excited, but I was also feeling torn. *How would Buffy and Xander
react to this? I reassured Mom that it would be ok, but would it
really?* Pushing those thoughts aside for now, I got ready for bed.
I woke up the next morning feeling better, yet strange... unsatisfied. I chalked it up to another of the many changes I was supposed to be experiencing. I took a shower and after getting dressed, I felt much better. I checked my email and got caught up chatting with a few of my friends. I looked at the clock and realized I had been online for hours! I had gotten up a little after noon, and it was almost 5:00 now! I decided it was time to go see Giles. He had asked me to come by, but hadn’t mentioned a specific time, so I decided that there was no time like the present. Nevertheless, as I opened the door I heard the phone ringing and decided to answer it.
“Hello?” I answered in my normal, cheerful voice.
“Willow, how are you? You don’t sound sick…” Buffy sounded somewhat surprised, although I wasn’t sure why.
“Sick? No, I suppose I don’t, since I’m not! What’s up? Did everything go ok last night?” I found it difficult to talk to Buffy, knowing I couldn’t talk to her about my problems, not yet at least. I remember what she went through with Angel, and even though this was different, I couldn’t help but wonder how she would react.
“Everything was fine…demon found, demon killed. No biggie. So you aren’t sick? Giles told Xander and me last night that you were, and that we probably wouldn’t see you for a few days. That’s why I called, to see if you were ok…” Buffy’s voice drifted off, wondering what was going on.
“Oh, sick! Yeah, I wasn’t umm feeling well yesterday, but I feel better today. Cough, cough…still have a little bit of a cough though, nothing much…” I could tell Buffy didn’t believe me for a minute, I am SUCH a bad liar!
“Oh, ok…well call me later and let me know how you’re doing. I gotta run, mom’s calling me. I’ll talk to you soon ok? Bye!”
“Ok, bye Buffy..”
I hung up the phone and silently cursed myself for forgetting that Giles had said he would tell them I was sick. With everything that happened last night, it just slipped my mind. *Oh well, nothing I can do about it now* I decided I was going to grab a quick bite to eat before leaving, seeing as my stomach was growling so loud I was sure my neighbors could hear it.
About 30 minutes later I decided it was time to go. I soon discovered, while walking to the school, that while I could be out in the sun safely, it was becoming slightly uncomfortable. It didn’t bother me much though, seeing as the sun was starting to set. I supposed it was a feeling I was just going to have to get accustomed to, because I wasn’t going to give up ‘normal’ life. I just hoped that it wouldn’t get any worse. As I entered the school and walked towards the library, I could hear Giles voice, followed by Buffy’s much louder one. *crap, I really don’t think I can deal with Buffy now* Walking closer to the library doors, I stood silently outside them, feeling guilty for eavesdropping, but I couldn’t resist.
“Giles, how is Willow doing, have you talked to her this morning?” Oh goddess…Buffy was setting him up! If he said I was still sick, she would know he was lying!
“Hmm? Oh oh - yes I spoke with her mother just a short while ago. She said Willow was still running a fever and sleeping. Apparently she has the flu or something…ahem..”
“Really? Hmm…that’s funny Giles. I spoke with Willow this morning and she seemed to have *forgotten* that she was sick. Why don’t you tell me what is really going on Giles? Why are you lying to me? Is something wrong?”
“You…You what? You spoke with Willow? Oh dear..umm…she didn’t sound sick?” Giles sounded very nervous suddenly, with good reason.
“NO Giles…she didn’t. As a matter of fact, she didn’t even know what I was talking about until I mentioned that you had told me she was sick! Now tell me the truth Giles, or I will go ask Willow myself!” Buffy definitely sounded angry now…
“Nonono… don’t do that! Umm..what I mean is, err, oh hell, sit down Buffy. This is going to take a minute…” I could hear Giles pulling out one of the library chairs.
*NONONONO - Giles don’t tell her!* I heard Giles begin the story. *Oh goddess, now what? Well, I guess this is my chance to find out how she will react…*
“SHE WHAT??? She’s a what? Giles, this is so not funny!” Buffy yelled this at the top of her lungs, causing me to flinch.
“Buffy - sit down! Let me finish explaining this ok? It is very complicated…” Giles sounded exasperated. I could understand why, even he didn’t fully understand the situation, none of us did. *But Nana does…* I started feeling an indescribable anger. I suddenly realized that I had been feeling it almost since I entered the building. I hadn’t noticed it before, because I was so involved in their conversation. But now that I acknowledged these feelings, they started to grow. I couldn’t begin to describe them, it was a combination of fear and anger…strong anger, and it was all directed at one person. Buffy. Some part of my brain realized that it must be because she was the slayer, and it was my vampire instincts kicking in for the first time…but I couldn’t get the feeling under my control. It worsened as I heard her next comment…
“Giles, I don’t understand what you are saying. I don’t understand any of this. The one thing I do understand is that you are telling me that Willow, my best friend, is becoming a vampire. Giles, I don’t know if I am going to be able to kill her…”
With a loud growl I entered the library. Unbeknownst to me, I had put on what would be considered my “game face”…my eyes had turned yellow, my canines had elongated and while I didn’t have the same ‘ridges’ as a normal vamp, I had my fair share.
“You know, it’s considered rude to talk about killing someone behind their back…” I was staring at Buffy, who was standing before me, in shock. The look of horror on her face is one that I will never forget.
I felt a tingling beginning
inside of me. A strange feeling, not pleasant , rather painful actually.
It started in my abdomen and worked its way throughout my body. Within
seconds, it began to overpower me…*bloodlust*
I reached out and grabbed Buffy by her hair and yanked her close. “Ready to kill me yet?” I sneered.
She continued to look at me, frozen in horror. I could vaguely hear Giles shouting at me through the sound of Buffy’s blood rushing through my ears. I yanked her neck to the side and lowered my head.
“Willow - NO!!” I jerked my head up, seeing Angel at the back of the library, having come up through the tunnels. Buffy overcame her shock and shoved me away, catching me off guard. I stumbled back and fell over one of the chairs. The sudden fall stunned me, and feeling scared and shocked and angry all at once, I turned and ran out the door. I heard Buffy beginning to chase me, then heard Angel tell her to stop.
“The sun just set, let me take care of this. You stay here and talk to Giles, ok?” Without giving her time to answer, I heard him starting after me.
I was running as fast as I could, not knowing where I was going, just knowing that I had to get away from them, from him. Apparently I had acquired some new speed in the midst of my changes, and in no time I was standing in the middle of the park. I walked slowing over to the swing set, planning on sitting down and thinking for a while. Suddenly I heard something, or someone behind me and turned, expecting it to be Angel. To my surprise, it was another vamp. I could tell he was young, he didn’t have the control elder vampires tended to have. He was walking clumsily towards me, eager for a meal. Suddenly my anger returned full force. I had come here to get away, and now I was having to deal with this asshole. The sneer on his face served only to fuel my anger. He looked down at me and I turned my back on him, setting up a plan in my mind. Just as I had planned, he attempted to grab me by the waist and pull me in for the kill. I allowed him to do so, even allowed him to lower his mouth to my neck, before grabbing him roughly behind the head and twisting him in front of me. I intentionally allowed my game face to come forth. Staring into his eyes, I said only one thing.
“You know, I really don’t have time for this shit” and having said that, I gave into the urges and promptly sunk my fangs into his neck.
As I drank his blood, I could feel it coursing through my body, energizing me and rejuvenating me. The taste was better than anything I could have ever imagined. It was just what my body was craving…needing. I heard a twig snap behind me and whipped my head around, tearing my fangs free. It was Angel, standing behind me and staring at me in shock. I could tell he didn’t realize it was another vamp I was draining. So, I turned back around and finished what I had started, and the vamp promptly turned into dust. I did that for two reasons…one was because I couldn’t bring myself to stop from feeding, and the other was to show Angel that it wasn’t a human I was killing. I stood with my back to Angel for a moment before I felt his hands lay tentatively on my shoulders, as if he was unsure what I would do. I made sure my ‘normal’ face was back *you know, that’s kinda cool* before turning around to face him. I could see the concern and fear in his eyes; fear for what was happening to me. I took a deep breath and wiped my hand over my mouth, shocked and slightly appalled to see the blood that was there. I suddenly became intensely nauseated, sick to think of what I had done. My knees buckled underneath me and I would have fallen if Angel hadn’t caught me. He gathered me into his arms and carried me to a bench. He sat down softly, still holding me in his lap. The feelings and emotions I had felt over the last hour. overwhelmed me. I was sobbing against his chest, clinging to him as if I were drowning. He ran his hands over my back and spoke soft soothing words to me, trying to comfort me as best he could. We sat like that for what must have been 20 minutes before my sobs subsided and I looked up at him. I expected to see revulsion and disgust in those eyes, for that is what I felt of myself, but all I saw was love and understanding.
He looked into my eyes and asked me in the sweetest voice, “Carus, are you ok? Do you think you are up to talking?”
I knew he wanted to talk about what had happened, but I didn’t have the energy…actually, I did have the energy, I could still feel the blood coursing through my body, but I didn’t have the energy, or emotional stability to talk about it yet.
“Actually Angel, I don’t think I am. Could you walk home with me though? Please?” I didn’t want to leave him yet. His presence alone was making me feel so much better, more in control.
“Of course I will. Anything you want, I will do it for you” He spoke with all the seriousness in the world, and I knew he meant every word. That knowledge comforted me.
We rose to head home, walking hand in hand silently down the street. As we walked, we were both caught in our own thoughts. Mine were full of fear, fear of myself and what I had done tonight. His were full of concern, concern for me and over what I had done. As we reached my house, we slowed and stopped at the driveway. I impulsively pulled him close and hugged him. He returned that hug without hesitation. He of all people knew how I was feeling. I broke the hug and looked up at him.
“Thank you Angel, thank you for caring and coming to me tonight. I promise that I will come over tomorrow and we can talk about things, ok? I just want to go in and go to bed now…” My voice drifted off.
“Of course darling. Come over whenever you are ready tomorrow. I will leave a key under the mat, you can come in and wake me, ok?” Angel brushed his hand across my check and leaned down to place a soft kiss on my forehead. He stayed at the end of the driveway until he saw me safely enter my house. He gave a small wave before I closed the door, and headed down the street.