Disclaimer:  The Characters of BtVS are owned by Joss Wheldon, Mutant Enemy, and FOX.  No Copyright infridgement intented.

I Wanna Hold You Forever
by Karen


Angel sighed softly as he finished his book and shut the leather volume.  He missed her.  He’d only been away from her for a few hours, yet he missed her.  It was getting more and more difficult for him to leave her each evening, but he knew he had to continue to do so.  He just hoped that one day she’d be ready to accept his love.

Ready to love him back.

<If I’m not in love with you, what is this I’m going through tonight >

He loved her.  He had adored her when he’d had his soul the first time around.  Her sweetness, her acceptance of what he was, the way she was so gentle and caring.  But he’d held back.  For one, he had loved the Slayer.  He knew that, and he admitted it.  He had truly loved Buffy.  Even so, he’d still had feelings for the little redhead; he just hadn’t acted upon them.  He’d been afraid, afraid of tainting her with the evil he knew lay inside him.

Then he had lost his soul again.

< And if this heart is lying then, what should I believe in >

As Angelus, he’d been obsessed with her.  Obsessed with her fragile beauty, her innocence.  In Angelus’ mind, Willow was like a modern day, completely sane, Drusilla.  Innocent to a fault.  Pure.


< Why do I go crazy every time I think about you baby >

He’d wanted to possess her.  He wanted to take her, make her his.  Forever.  As Angelus, he had followed her every night.  He had watched her.  He had come to know her every habit, her every facial expression.  He had read her diary, learned of all her hopes and fears.

The demon he was had fallen in love.

< Why else do I want you like I do if I’m not in love with you >

He knew that Angelus had loved her.  He could remember the grief that had overtaken the demon when Willow had caught him feeding.  The shock, the denial.

The intense pain as his heart broke.

The same pain Angel felt every time he had to walk away from her.  He knew the danger was gone; his soul was permanent.  He no longer feared that he may taint her.

He just feared that she would never fall in love with him.

< And if I don’t need your touch, why do I miss you so much tonight >

A soft, tentative knock startled the ensouled vampire out of his reverie, and he rose quickly to answer the door.  His eyes widened as he saw who it was.

“Can I come in?” Willow asked.

Angel nodded dumbly, stepping back to allow her entrance.

“Are you okay?” the redhead asked, concerned by the look on his face.

“I’m... fine.  It’s just... I was just thinking about you.”

< If it’s just infatuation, why is my heart achin’ to hold you forever >

Willow blushed slightly.  How could she respond to that?  She had come to tell him she loved him, but now that she was there, she wasn’t sure how to go about it.

“What about you, Willow?  Are you okay?  Is there something wrong?  Is that why you’re here?  Do the others need my help?”

“No... nothing like that.  I came to see you.  I have something I need to tell you.  It’s important.”

< Give a part of me I thought I’d never give again to someone I could lose... If I’m not in love with you >

Oh, no.  Was she going to tell him that she couldn’t be around him anymore?  That it was too difficult to look at him and see the face of her lost love?  Was she going to leave him, force him back into that lonely existance he had once thrived in?  He didn’t think he could handle going back to it, not when he’d had a taste of what it was to be around people, to be cared about.

“What is it?” he asked tightly as his throat threatened to close up.  He swallowed hard, determined to keep the tears from coming until after she left.

Then he would let himself mourn.

< Oh why in every fantasy do I feel your arms embracing me like lovers lost in sweet desire >

Willow bit her lip.  He sounded so... different.  So guarded.  Almost as if something had irritated him.

Oh, God.

What if he had changed his mind?  Gotten sick of waiting?  What if he didn’t want her anymore?

What if he no longer loved her?

She took a gasping breath as that thought hit her full force.  Tears rose in her eyes, and she turned away, praying she could get out before she started to cry.

“It’s... I was wrong.  It’s, it’s not important.  I can tell you later.  I... I have to go.”

< And why in dreams do I surrender like a little baby >

Angel saw the almost imperceptible shift in Willow’s stance, and he immediately recognized the way she braced herself when she was about to cry.   He’d seen it far too many times as he had watched her grieve for Angelus.

What was she grieving for now?

< How do I explain this feeling, someone tell me >

Without thought, Angel reached out and turned Willow to face him, pulling her into his embrace.

“What is it?  Why are you crying, sweetheart?”  As the unconscious endearment passed the vampire’s lips, the girl began to cry harder.

“Willow, baby, what is it?  Please tell me.  You’re scaring me.”

<If I’m not in love with you, what is this I’m going through tonight >

“I’m... I’m sorry,” Willow whispered as she pushed herself away.  “I didn’t mean to...” she trailed off as she saw the look in Angel’s eyes.  Sadness, concern, and... love.  Could she have been mistaken?  Could he still want her?

“What?” he asked.  She was staring at him with an almost desperate look on her face.

< And if my heart is lying then what should I believe in >

“When... when you got your soul back... that night when you came to my
room... you said you loved me.”

“I remember.”

“Do you still love me?”

Angel released her, and he forced himself to step away from her.  He was afraid he’d make a fool of himself if he did.

“Because...you said you’d wait for me; you’d wait until I was ready to move on...” Willow babbled when Angel remained silent.

“I still love you, Willow.”

“... and... I love you, Angel.”

< Why do I go crazy every time I think about you baby >

“What?” Angel exclaimed as Willow’s words reached his ears.  It wasn’t really possible... was it?

Willow looked up at him, her eyes still bright with tears.  “I love you.  Really you this time.”

Angel sat down hard in his armchair, shocked.  He looked up at her, looked at that expressive face, those expressive eyes.  She could never hide her feelings with a face like that.  And he saw exactly what he needed to see.


Too overcome to speak, Angel reached out and pulled Willow onto his lap, cradling her like a child.  He kissed her hair, her forehead, her nose, her lips, expressing his feelings the only way he could.

He loved her.

And she loved him.

And that was all tht mattered.

< Why else do I want you like I do if I’m not in love with you... >

The End